Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
COCAINE IS GR8
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
