I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
