I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
