then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
