bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
