just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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