i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
