nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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