Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
