Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
