The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
