I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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