My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
