You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
