Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
