Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
