Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
