What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
