so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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