dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
