Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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