Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
