You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
