Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i love accidental penises.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
