I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
