I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
