that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
