walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
