he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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