Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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