totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
