oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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