Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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