Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
