3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
