I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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