So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
