I CAN MOONWALK!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you had me at cake vodka
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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