Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
