I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
