it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
