My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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