I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
