Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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