Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
