Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My balls are so social today.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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