yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
