I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
