Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
