i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
