I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
