I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
