I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
