Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
